Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
