let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
