I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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