This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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