I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
