Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
