Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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