That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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