I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
