So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
