im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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