There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
