You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
