Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
