i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
