just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
