I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
