you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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