how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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