You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
