I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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