Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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