by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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