she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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