you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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