miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
