You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
