foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there is glitter all over my balls
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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