i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
