Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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