"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
