dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
