ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
