I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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