He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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