At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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