Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
