Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
