There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
