Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
