If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
