So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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