there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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