and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
