Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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