I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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