Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
