Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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