No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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