I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
