Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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