ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
